The entire family is eagerly anticipating L’il Sis’s wedding this coming summer. Gill will be home for it, preparations are beginning… although, since it is to be a simple, small, low-key event (don’t they ALL say that about their wedding before it morphs into a extravaganza like the Academy Awards?) not much planning is needed.But truly, this ceremony WILL be as billed.
When L’il Sis made the announcement, she had a grin like a Cheshire cat. I never really expected that any of my kids would marry– a result of seeing (home schooling at its finest) the train wreck that was my union with their father.
You could have knocked me over with a feather — which, as our regular readers will know, is an easy-to-come by commodity in my room of homegrown canaries and Mrs. Beeton the pink parakeet. Lil Sis and her boyfriend are already living together and have a family (Groucho, the rescue dog from The Dominican Republic with half an ear and a broken, twisted leg). I wondered if they were trying to spare him the shame of being labelled a ‘bastard child’ at doggie daycare?
From that moment, I officially became the dreaded ‘Mother of The Bride’. I say ‘dreaded’ since I confess that I have, upon occasion, watched “Say Yes To The Dress”, that awful reality show wherein brides , their mothers, their 10 bridesmaids, flower girls, wedding planners, assorted aunts, cousins, ex mothers-in-law and all manner of other ‘interested parties’ gather to criticize the bride’s figure, taste in clothes, style (she has none, apparently), the groom, and display jealousy, greed, and so much family dysfunction it is unbelievable. I repent for my transgression..
However, the fact remains that my youngest daughter is getting married and it is a joyous occasion — and one that deserves SOME attention be paid. Getting into the spirit of the whole event, when Gill was home at Christmas, we discussed plans. And then I remembered that my bridal veil is still in a box in my closet. I offered it to L’il Sis for the big day. This resulted in a trip to my closet to play dress-up! Both girls liked the veil — although it is now 50 years past its ‘best by’ date and hopefully not imbued with bad karma. But L’il Sis didn’t want to go the traditional route so nixed the veil. Just then, inspiration came to me…or possibly it was a brain freeze.
“If we cut down the veil, it could be a tutu for Groucho (poor little bent and busted dude) to wear down the aisle,” I enthused.
Bursting into hysterical laughter, we kept the idea in the ‘possible’ column.
But L’il Sis had reservations. “Groucho IS a male dog…he might be embarrassed wearing a tutu,” she noted.
I agreed. “Although at this point,” I added, “I think his potential embarrassment is the least of our issues!” You see, dear readers, the ceremony is to take place at the local Donkey Sanctuary — performed by a Zen monk who apparently comes with her very own Husky dog. (Crazy D is thrilled that the monk and the Husky will be staying with him.)
When all this was first announced, our little neighbor girl asked enthusiastically if she could be the flower girl. “Sorry, Sweetie, I’m not even having bridesmaids,” was L’il Sis’s answer.
Trying to play my role as diplomatic MOB, I smoothed things over:”Maybe you could walk down the aisle with a bunch of carrots for the donkeys…” Lil Sis may have glared at me. She mouthed: “No aisle…something of a guerrilla ceremony in the field…”
When I was in Mexico recently, I looked around for little touches that might add to the event. I immediately went to : something donkey-ish. And lo and behold, I found a small, lovely carved white onyx donkey — perfect for the cake topper! And it only got better. What did I find next but a tiny sombrero for Groucho — and IN HIS COLOURS! I was on a roll as MOB.
L’il Sis has found her dress for the event — a gorgeous, slinky dark green gown.
“I love it!” I gushed. “And I hate to even mention this, but how will you manage traipsing through the donkey dung in heels and a fancy long gown?”
She didn’t miss a beat. “No heels…rubber boots!”
Of course. I could see, with my special MOB sense, that it was the perfect solution. Now pass the wine…the MOB is feeling a bit faint…