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Do you remember the old adage: ‘What they don’t know won’t hurt them’? Well, that’s the mantra Gill and I live by…especially when she’s here in person during her holidays.We do slightly change the adage though: to “What they don’t know won’t hurt US’.

We love to do stupid shit — sometimes shit that doesn’t start out being stupid but gets there by the time we’re finished with it. And we do this shit knowing that Crazy D and L’il Sis would not approve. Not only would they voice their disapproval, if they had the chance, they’d confiscate the car keys so we couldn’t voluntarily go and kill ourselves…or at the very least, get into some serious trouble.

“Oh, they’re such worry worts,”Gill said of her siblings before we embarked on this summer’s follies. “What could possibly happen?”

I didn’t answer her since I too worried about our adventure.

Case in point: our trip to the country property wherein we landed in the ditch (briefly) and had no cell reception (hence nobody to help us out of our predicament) and tramped around trees and weeds so thick we couldn’t see where we were going. Why, the weeds were taller than I was — I was lucky Gill didn’t leave me there and wait till winter when they die down to find me. And there was the incident when a truck tried to run us off the road — thwarted when Gill mounted the curb and swore a lot at the other driver. We were fortunate we didn’t appear in the papers as the instigators of a road rage incident. We’re small but we do rage effectively for our size…and the swearing, oh my! That’s what happens when you let English majors loose on profanity.

We also went to the movies — to see a kids’ movie (Secret Life of Pets) during which I not only disgraced myself by laughing so hard I nearly fell off my seat, but we (Gill) had to do more tricky driving through a construction zone. And then there’s the mere fact that we, a senior and a now middle-aged woman, chose to see a silly kids’ movie(without cover of a suitable stolen or rented kid). But I pointed out to the other two after the fact that we were taking their valid concerns into account by choosing a kids’ movie which would, by definition, be shown during daylight hours, thus ensuring that we didn’t drive after dark with our collectively sketchy eyesight.

It should also be noted, to our credit, that neither of us bought anything stupid at our favorite shop, ‘The Bent And Busted’. Gill really wanted to buy the massive neon sign that came from a famous local restaurant — so much so that I feared she was going to auction me off to the highest (foolish) bidder to pay for it. And then there was the mere fact that it wouldn’t have fit into our SUV — even though I’m sure Gill would have tried. It took a lot of will power (or won’t power) for her to walk away empty-handed. But walk away she did.

We told Crazy D and L’il Sis about our adventures after the fact. We also (kind of) apologized to them for not letting them know what we were doing beforehand. They took it well and seemed completely nonplussed. I expressed my surprise at their reaction to Gill.

“Oh, I don’t think we need to worry, Ma! They knew from past experience that we did something stupid together.The only thing they wouldn’t know is where we did it and where our bodies were hidden.”