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I’ve long since given up doing things based on the fact that they are age-appropriate. I mean, when people ask me if I have kids, I frequently reply: I am kids. So when I arrived home and The Mom was still keen on going to see a funny movie about pets – an animated film, which was aimed at children – I was delighted. As delighted as I would’ve been had I still been eligible for the children’s pricing.

The Mom and I had been left to our own devices since Crazy D wasn’t around and L’il Sis has up and moved out, as such we were able to do whatever we liked whenever we liked. There was no negotiating around vehicles, which dogs might require feeding and or letting out, and no one had to wait in for the eBay delivery man. Off we trotted, happy as Larry as they say.

Now, the thing is The Mom’s bit of Canadia is currently experiencing a rather extreme version of summer: one where people say, Hey! It’s cooled down, once it hits 35C. As summer for me this year has been, OMFG LOOK THE SUN IT’S BACK (at 19C and rainy) it’s requiring more of an adjustment than I had been prepared for. I used to pride myself on loving the heat and being able to cope well. L’il Sis and I would sleep with our windows open and wear long trousers at anything less than 35C declaring it was chilly and that we might consider bringing a light cardi along in case the temps dipped any further. Upon confronting the proper summer we’re having here, my body went into a full revolt and I believe The Mom was secretly delighted. She was pleased as punch when I asked if we could have the A/C on.

Anyhow, so as much as understanding what to expect as far as the heat goes (if being unable to cope) I also know what to expect when going to the cinema: meat locker is their preferred temp. Thus I brought my special cinema socks (turquoise ankle socks with horses on them – I’ve had then for 12 years and I always wear them to the cinema).

As I am home it is also time for me to practise my driving, so The Mom makes me drive. I agree because it’s mostly straight roads – a couple of tiny roundabouts but The Mom screams ‘to the right!’ as I approach them so that’s fine.

We pull into the car park and due to the extreme heat I offer to drop The Mom off at the door so she needn’t cross the barren wilds of the car park. She does not take kindly to my tone and gets sniffy about it.

Once we’re inside, The Mom generously buys me a ticket. she then proceeds to buy tickets for another film on another day. The teenager in charge is in no way phased by this. I am impressed. I select a large sugary snack even though we’ve just had lunch, and off we go.

Once settled in, we embark upon the most difficult part of any film with The Mom: the adverts. She must discuss them in detail. Normally this drives me crazy, but in this case, I was okay about it because the adverts were especially terrible.

Finally, after my high fructose snack is polished off, the picture starts. Within seconds The Mom is hysterical. It takes – visibly – everything she has to keep from pointing at the screen and shrieking with pure, unmitigated delight. Everything is so realistic! Look! The dogs! They do that! The feathers on the birds! How do they do that? So realistic!

Honestly, if you were one of the people involved in the Secret Life of Pets know this: The Mom thinks you are a genius. Hands down. I do not quibble with this assessment, but I don’t think my enjoyment was quite up to The Mom’s who was, literally, in hysterics the entire time. In fact, as we drove home, she recounted scenes to me as though I had not just been sat at her side the entire time. Normally I would take great pleasure in crushing this level of enthusiasm, for sport, but I couldn’t do it this time. It’ snot because I’m getting soft, it’s because an enjoyment so pure must never be tampered with. It is such a rare and wonderful thing, we must only look upon it with awe and reverence.

I posted a brief sketch of this on my Facebook, and invited anyone who had not seen it to speak up because The Mom was dead keen to go again (so keen in fact that I wouldn’t have been surprised had she suggested we sneak in for a second showing – though I don’t think she’s entirely knows that’s a thing). Nothing in a firm plan has been hatched for a second viewing but given that it’s meant to feel like 44C with the humidex, I should think a return trip is inevitable.

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