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I’m hurt. Deeply hurt.

Gill has been experiencing a challenge in the cooking department — specifically, the egg poaching department. She emailed me for help but, since I wasn’t home,  I couldn’t reply immediately. So she went ahead without my advice and counsel. Bad idea. I could point out here, but won’t since I’m a kind, loving mother, that I have shown Gill many times how to poach eggs. Apparently she wasn’t paying attention. Nothing new there! She sometimes has the attention span of a gnat. Other times, when it’s something she’s actually interested in, you can’t pry her away from it.

The resulting disaster was no surprise to anyone who knows Gill’s questionable history with eggs. That was when she took to Facebook for advice from any and everyone who had an opinion. Vinegar was mentioned in one of the hints. And starting with cold eggs. And cracking the eggs into a small cup first, then gently sliding them into the pan. The suggestions continued as comments on FB, complete with video clips, offers to send special tools.

Gill threw up her hands in frustration and ate the questionable result of her egg-cooking experiment. “When did a simple poached egg turn into such a palaver?” she asked, frustrated, in her later email.

The most useful (in a North American context) was her brother Crazy D’s suggestion of putting the egg in a cup of water and putting it in a microwave. First, Crazy D isn’t very familiar with the cheap (oops, inexpensive) ‘flat’ concept in Britain. Don’t get me wrong. Gill’s flat is lovely — but it comes with an antique kind of heating. “Bricks in the wall” is how she describes it. So given that, does Crazy D actually think she HAS such a modern device as a microwave? It seems he learned this egg cooking technique when he worked on Master Chef, so it’s probably a good one. But Gill does not have a microwave. Nor, given her past record, would it be wise for her to acquire one. No egg is worth that much.

She has a checkered career as far as eggs and microwaves go. When she was a teenager, she once put a whole egg (shell and all) in the microwave and nuked it. Don’t know for how long, but it exploded all over the microwave and caused an ungodly mess. Again, she hadn’t asked my advice.

When I did see the post on FB, I added my two cents’ worth, hoping it might help the next time she approached the stove with an egg in hand. Although, after reading this morning’s email from her, I have an idea this is something she’ll never be doing again. Personally, I would have thought the explosion in the microwave would have been enough to put her over the edge, but apparently not. It was all the helpful comments, videos, and tips that did it.

I will simply end by pointing out that, had she listened to me and watched my technique in the first place, all of this would have been unnecessary. But, you know, mothers and daughters…

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