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Gill hates coming home in the sense that she knows, as soon as she arrives in the door, one, two or three of us will present a barrage of computer-related crises to be solved. She’ s used to dealing with my stupid problems, but it has recently become evident that Crazy D and L’il Sis are as much babes in the woods, idiots at loose on the stormy seas in a leaky boat, as I am.

This may have proved disillusioning and annoying for Gill, but it has completely shattered my illusions and shaken my confidence in their ability to rescue me and my tech needs. I always felt I could call on them, as most other mothers I know call on their kids, but recent events proved they are as clueless as I and when Gill leaves, we’re all up Shit’s Creek! (With apologies to Eugene Levy and his hysterically funny Shit’$ Creek television show.)

I believe I wrote some time ago about needing a new printer. Crazy D partially installed it. Then, when it came to the tricky part, the part he claimed he couldn’t complete since the Apple ID was nowhere to be found, he threw up his hands in disgust and ran out of the house when I wasn’t looking. Left in his wake was the half-installed printer, brochures and instructions strewn about said printer, and torn, crumpled  pieces of paper…oh, and some extraneous wires.

I wailed to Gill via email and she said, “Well, you know Crazy D doesn’t have any patience at all with computer things.”

“Of course I know that! And I hate to ask him for help. He seems to know a lot about his own work with regard to computers, but ask him to do anything else and he’s hopeless. I really have no other option, though.”

To her credit, Gill tried to suggest a few things long distance that might fix the mess, but in the end she just sighed and said:”Ma, just wait til I get home and I’ll take a look at it.” And, of course, after a few minutes at my machine, she solved the problem.

“Wow! How did you do that?” I asked, in awe. “Crazy D pretty much said I’d never be able to have a printer again! I even considered buying a new computer and another new printer just so the problem would go away. Start fresh, as it were.”

“But it still won’t go away, Mom,” Crazy D had claimed confidently. “You’ll still need the same ID  and Apple won’t recognize you without it. It’s like your own personal doggie microchip that follows you wherever you go for life. You’re screwed.”

“But…what are you going to do about it?” I asked desperately. “I NEED my computer and printer.”

He shrugged. “Ask Gill…”

And I did and she fixed it.

When she was here, L’il Sis phoned with another problem. She was trying to watch something from Netflix on her laptop. Everything was installed, she just couldn’t get it to show anything.

I heard Gill walk her through the solution. “Go to the Finder,” she instructed.


“The Finder –the funny blue smiley face at the bottom left of your screen…”


From there, Gill talked her through the necessary steps. She hung up the phone, shaking her head, “You people are all hopeless! How is it you manage to function in this world? You’re all computer illiterates!”

“Well, I’ve never made any secret of it,” I retorted nobly.

“Yes, but the other two PRETEND to know what they’re doing! That’s worse,” she criticized.

“True,” I agreed. “Which is why we cannot authorize your imminent departure for the U.K. We need you here to be our IT department…”