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It’s true. I had been looking forward to attending a Hallowe’en party thrown by one of the American academics I work with at the University. Unfortunately my Crohn’s had other plans. Which was a let down in many regards, not the least of which was the fact that I’d been thinking about a Hallowe’en costume since July. August at a stretch.

This is typical of me. Hallowe’en is a very exciting time. It’s celebrated a bit differently over here in the UK than it is back home. Here, they’ve just about got the hang of it, but the uptake is a bit slow. Not every house is prepared to give out candies. And the costumes are different too. Frequently, Hallowe’en is a moment where one can binge drink with abandon in an outfit that is sexy or slutty, or preferably both. Anything can be turned into sexy or slutty it turns out. Even a bee. Yes, a sexy bee costume. I know, if only you’d known. I mean, in some ways it stands to reason, the birds and the bees, and all that. It’s a bit disconcerting when you meet a sexy or slutty bee out of an evening though.

I’ve never been fond of this aspect of Hallowe’en. For me, it’s a chance to dress up in the weirdest thing I can think of. Which one year led to me shuffling about the neighbourhood as a spleen. Yes, a spleen. It’s an under-appreciated organ as far as I’m concerned. I cut out a bit of cardboard in the shape of the organ, and scribbled down all the relevant facts, so that when someone opened the door, and I announced myself as a spleen, when they asked, and what does that do? I was able to respond correctly, and succinctly.

You can’t really do a sexy or slutty spleen.

To me, this is the fun of Hallowe’en. Going as something you could never be.

The academic who was throwing the party I didn’t attend, was a bit more specific. He wasn’t interested in sexy or slutty, rather scary. He wanted fright, which is more in keeping with the theme of the evening from my point of view.

Sadly though, the costume I had wanted to make and wear would not have been suitable. I wanted to go as a Supreme Bird of Paradise. There’s a video of this exceptional creature doing an outstanding mating dance. He even tidies up his little stage, in advance. Now, this is surely an evolutionary tactic that humans could embrace. Forget trying to woo a prospective date with your bank account, or your accomplishments. Rather, show off your housekeeping skills! I know a fair few women who would jump at this kind of display.

Anyhow, as I didn’t go out the let down was different for me than usual. But it was a let down nonetheless. Because I didn’t get to wear my costume, and now must look for another opportunity to wear it. And show off my skills at imitating a rather intricate mating dance and a very unusual bird. Thankfully, the UK is fond of fancy dress parties, where people wear costumes for no other reason than it’s fun.

So I suppose there isn’t as much of a let down post-Hallowe’en here as there is back home. Maybe The Mom should consider coming over here for a summer, we could go to lots of fancy dress parties, and she would feel like Hallowe’en never ended.

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