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I think it’s safe to say that The Mom’s house is now at the mercy of The Pig. The Mom and L’il Sis have done their best, gone above and beyond, in any and all attempts to prevent said beagle from getting into things that she ought not. All to no avail.

There are many potential reasons why The Pig insists on doing such things, namely, as The Mom rightly points out sheer Pigheadedness, and as such I feel there is now no valid reason to even try. Herewith I suggest we all just Give Up. Leave the cupboard doors wide open! Put the garbage out where she can have at it! Smother her in bacon and rotting meat!

On the face of it, this suggestion does seem insane, but bear with me. The Pig wants to Do A Bad Thing, and I can relate. As a child and a teen, and quite frankly, still to this day, I sometimes get it in my head that doing A Bad Thing could be quite good fun. Mix things up, you know? and quite frankly, given that The Pig is doted on left right and centre, maybe she just wants to give up her crown for the day, or at least, give herself an aura of danger. Whatever the reason, I think it’s high time to humour the poor creature.

Call it reverse psychology if you will. I do believe The Mom used this highly effective form of parenting with us lot as children. I remember one incident wherein I had decided that actually store bought frosting was in fact a key food group. And The Mom caught me red handed, and instead of scolding me and shouting at me, as was her right, given that there was literally nothing in the frosting that I could or should be eating, The Mom put the frosting, in its tin, on my plate at dinner.

Well, she said, if you want to eat it, then dig in, darling!

The shame was memorable.

And I never ate frosting out of the tin – or otherwise – again. Hence, my suggestion. Leave everything out for The Pig, chances are she’ll gorge herself and then later when she finds that nobody really gives a damn, perhaps she might give up.

So I’m thinking what The Mom might do to outsmart The Pig, is throw open the cupboard doors, leave the garbage out and maybe even something rotten, just for good measure. The Pig will then feast to her heart or belly’s content, have a miserable stomach ache, vomit, and call it a day. When she awaits a scolding and none is forthcoming, I’m certain The Pig will mooch about, and maybe even stand near the scene of the crime.

When The Mom walks past and gives The Pig a meh and a shrug, the dog will, like me, I expect, wonder what in the hell is going on. This will also give the dog pause, and time to consider her next move. Which I suspect will be to try and do A Bad Thing again. When she continues to be met with indifference, I imagine The Pig will just give up. Better yet, if she’s given the bad things she wants and is still met with indifference, I expect her habits to change.

I mean, I have never again eaten frosting (unless it’s on a cake I have been told I may eat) so what could possibly go wrong?