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All week The Mom has been hounding me, pardon the pun, demanding that I look up and watch a new advert for KLM. When she tells you she’s seen something funny on the internet she thinks you know exactly what she’s talking about or maybe that there’s a page called Things The Mom Thinks Are Hilarious and that any videos she enjoys will automatically be posted there. I haven’t the heart to tell her they aren’t. Which I should do because she doesn’t send links in her emails which makes following her instructions a bit tricky.

Thankfully this latest one was easy enough to find. So I finally watched it and had the same reaction as someone else who posted n the comments section that it was completely unreasonable of KLM to not have this.

Which gave me an idea. The Mom has never come to visit me in the UK and so I thought it would be fun, and funny, if she managed to use The Pig’s powers for good and not evil and finagle a free flight over to Amsterdam.

I instructed her to get L’il Sis to hurry up and finish the outfit for The Pig and film the dog doing heroic behaviours similar to the dog in the film.

And when I didn’t get an instant reply to what is obviously a genius idea my nose was a bit put out of joint.

Then I thought a bit more about The Pig and imagined what might actually happen.

There The Pig would be, ready to run lose through Pearson international if only The Mom could find a decent parking spot. Knowing The Mom will only park right next to the appropriate entry door also would put the project behind because they would have no way of knowing where the KLM desk was. I finally managed to get them parked in my imagination, but then they took ages wanderingg around the car park before they could find their way into the airport, whereupon they arrived at Departures instead of Arrivals, and nobody forgets things in Departures. You jettison in order to reduce the weight of your bags and that’s it.

I finally imagined them in the right bit of the airport, but by now it was snack time for The Mom so The Pig had to go with her to find an overpriced snack that neither of them was keen on eating. Finally, they were ready to go.

But The Pig was enjoying the food court area and had no interest in helping to find somebody’s lost phone or teddy bear, and was making a bloody great howling noise that echoed through the airport as The Mom tried to drag her to the correct location.

L’il Sis, in my head, was filming all this with an eye towards a blooper reel, trailing them and trying not to laugh too much.

Then of course, they had to get to the Arrivals area but it would’ve dawned on them then that all the lost things get noticed as you’re waiting in baggage claim and people there to collect people cannot also go and collect baggage. So they were stuck in a huge group of people who hadn’t lost a damn thing.

But The Pig was hungry and had food on her mind, as ever, so started wandering around stealing people’s snacks, which led to a bit of grumbling, as you can imagine.

The whole thing started to very quickly spiral out of control until I had to stop imagining things lest I cause an international incident. In my mind, everyone went home feeling a bit embarrassed but glad that they hadn’t been arrested.

The great thing about that advert where the beagle saves the day is that it would never happen anywhere ever and is thus a perfect idea that we can hold dear to us and aspire to, as we trail The Pig about the bushes while she brays at bunnies.

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