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It’s true that Crazy D and I used to work as the Dynamic Duo of Poor Life Choices as children. But though we got into a lot of things that were terrible for us, we never sunk as low as The Pig.

Though, The Pig’s recent escapades do bring to mind something about our family that we acknowledge in passing, it’s something worth remarking upon. We do not have children, well, we do, but they’re us, and by us I mean people who can drive, buy alcohol and vote, so you know, adults, as far as the government’s concerned. In actuality, we’re all just a bunch of over-sized (or not so much, in my case) kids, running amuck with no one to stop us. So, it’s a good thing, I think, that we are not in charge of raising up small humans.

But the urge to nurture, to have something look up to us and depend upon is strong, though possibly misdirected.

Instead of children, we have pets. At one point or another, everyone in our family, has been in charge of the care and feeding of a pet. We’ve all been the primary caregiver and we’ve all been an Auntie or Uncle or Grandma.

And the thing is, watching the way our various pets have behaved, I’m really quite glad we don’t have actual children.

My parakeet, now departed, was pretty easy-going but in some ways quite particular, not unlike myself. He would not take a bath the way most birds too a bath, he insisted on coming into the tub with you. So, after I’d moved to the UK and had to leave him behind, I also had to send bi-monthly reminders to Crazy D to go home to The Mom’s and wash the bird. The parakeet was also inclined to sleep in the bed with you – I believe he thought he was a person – and you had to dissuade him of that notion.

The Mom’s dog, also departed, was basically raised to be her dream child. She was pretty and fluffy in a way that L’il Sis and I have never been. And all the dog wanted to do was spend time with The Mom. Which, when we were teenagers, was the exact opposite of what we wanted to do.

Crazy D’s new puppy is not unlike Crazy D in that he’s bursting with energy. Which is a good thing considering Crazy D’s idea of a suitable walk is a 5km hike through knee-deep snow.

Which brings me of course to L’il Sis’ pets. All of whom I am quite fond of, for their various strange ways and habits. Now, L’il Sis has always been the forgiving sort, and so when The Pig does something nutty like eat an entire block of Crisco the last person L’il Sis would think to blame is the person – or dog in this case – what did the eating.

Now, let’s pause here for a moment, Dear Readers, and consider if the above pets were not in fact pets, but children. Actualy human children. There’d be the Diva Parakeet Child, a Momma’s Girl who got beat up on the playground daily, the star of either the high school football team or the soccer team, and a child who would remain blameless until her last day.

Yes, we are better suited to pets I believe. Because pets will always have the excuse that they’re cute and didn’t know better – though, I am convinced that The Pig does know better which is why she insists on this sort of behaviour.

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