Crazy D returned from Toronto this week and brought more stuff with him. I came in from errands to find a huge computer screen perched atop a cabinet in the front hall…actually, it was not so much ‘perched’ as it was looming. I have reached a point where I no longer question any new boxes, equipment, boots, crates, laundry baskets of stuff. They just appear and I have no control over any of it. I am reconciled. A beaten woman.
Mere days later,Crazy D came into the kitchen to find me.
“How would you feel…” he began. Any question that begins with those words is not going to end well for me. “…about me setting up my computer in the family room?” he finished.
I burst into laughter. “I knew it! I just removed the table of plants I put in there to make room for the Christmas tree in the living room. The tree is down and that leaves an empty, beckoning space. I knew you couldn’t let it just be empty! Why don’t you put your computer on top of the drying rack? It’s not doing anything but sitting there drying clothes in the middle of the room. I’d hate to be able to watch t.v. without ANY obstruction. It wouldn’t seem right…”
“Well, this IS the family room…to do family things in.”
“I see…because you want the family to witness you hurling invectives at your computer?” He had the grace to look sheepish. I felt a bit guilty. “Not,” I added supportively,” that a few choice words haven’t crossed MY lips over my computer.”
That’s when I noticed his new decorations. Lined up on the DVD player in front of the t.v. were four plastic dinosaurs. “Are these your new playmates?” I asked. Then L’il Sis wandered in and pointed out that one of the dinosaurs had lost a leg. Reaching into the middle of a pile of cords on the floor, Crazy D extracted a blue plastic appendage. “There. Now it’s fixed. Harold is fine.”
I stared at him, not believing what I had just witnessed. And so, this is my new life…plastic dinosaurs, a drying rack, a pile of electrical wires.
And because the day hadn’t been exciting enough, late in the afternoon Crazy D and L’il Sis spent hours with the phone company trying to sort out a ‘simple’ switch of Crazy D’s old phone to L’il Sis. The old saying that ‘a good deed never goes unpunished’ is true. After hours each talking to a ‘friendly customer service rep’, they both looked exhausted, frustrated, and angry. And the problem wasn’t solved. When I asked what the problem was, they both refused to talk about it. The following morning, they still weren’t capable of rational speech. Crazy D went out with a friend to have a drink (he SAID one, I have my doubts) and L’il Sis took to her room with The Pig and her small parrot — no doubt figuring they were better than human company at that point.
All the time this crisis was unfolding, Gill was waiting at the airport for her flight back to the UK. I was expecting her goodbye phone call but, since all our phones were tied up with WW III and the phone company that shall remain nameless, I realized she wouldn’t be able to get through. So I emailed Gill to ask if I could still get on the flight with her. Get the hell out of Dodge, as it were. But as it turns out, she was having her own nightmare with technology. The airline computers were down and everyone had to be checked in by hand. Crying babies, confused and angry passengers…so I opted to stay put in my own war zone. At least I didn’t have to get in my car, brave highway traffic and a parking nightmare at the airport to be in Hell. I could close my door and declare myself my own personal Switzerland. Then, as I passed by Crazy D’s room, I happened to notice a new addition — a huge drafting table set up with maps…leading me to conclude that he too is planning his escape from this, The Asylum.